Friday, October 3, 2008

Emotions

Isn't it crazy how your emotions can temporarily control your life and aspect on every single thing?
Things around here (and by that I mean in my head) have been pretty crazy. Most of the time my mind is just numb to everything going on. I guess that's a good thing because it doesn't give me a chance to really think about my circumstances. I know things could be worse, but not to be somewhere you love is probably the toughest thing to do. In a sense it's creating a whole new temporary identity and I feel like I can't allow myself to be real so as not to get trapped here.
With that being said, the times I do allow my thoughts to truly penetrate me - I have days like my last post, where I am in the pits of despair and struggling to stay on top of things. There are days and sometimes weeks where I long desperately to just be back at APU. Everything has a purpose though right? That's what people keep telling me. Not that I really listen anymore. But everyone always feels compelled to tell me that. Like telling me that is going to make things any better.
My mind has been so filled with all these outside thoughts that really don't matter and was just frustrating me beyond what they should. My mind seems to have its own agenda and own functioning brain (albiet not all that productive). So not only is my heart being pulled in different directions, but so is my brain. How flexible do you think they can get?

haha, I'm just realizing how utterly obsurd this all sounds typed out. Who cares. No one reads this anyways.

1 comment:

Shawna said...

Wow J, I didn't realize how unhappy you are here :( Either yo hide it very well, or I just don't know you and am totally clueless.